Apply Directly to the Forehead

Advertising these days is really starting to piss me off. You've all seen this crap that they are forcing us to watch.

"Head-on, apply directly to the forehead. Head-on, apply directly to the forehead. Head-on, apply directly to the forehead."

I absolutely, to the bottom of my soul, hate that shit. Do the good people at Head-on really think that people are stupid enough that they don't even have to try anymore? Do they think that simply repeating themselves over and over is the best way to sell their product? Hell, I have had the worst headaches in the world since I was six, but I flat out refuse to even consider a product that treats me like an idiot. Especially when the commercial itself gives me the headache.

And now other businesses are copying this ridiculous campaign. Mo Money, I'm talking to you. If you know that people hate your fucking commercial, then why do you continually subject us to it? I promise you one thing. If I ever need to borrow money at a 90 percent interest rate, I will do everything in my power to get it from somewhere else. At least the Mafia won't annoy me to death.

But that's not all. Even the advertising gurus over at Geico are getting stupid. They are even giving their cavemen their own show. What the hell is that? I give it 3 weeks. And if they spend 30 minutes trying to sell me insurance rather than entertain me, even less. Spuds Mackenzie never had his own show, but if he had, it would have rocked more than any caveman show ever will.

As a matter of fact, the only times that I can recall advertising characters making the leap to another form of media was when the 7-up Spot and the Domino's Pizza Noid got their own video games. Remember how that turned out? Of course you don't. You didn't play them because they sucked harder than a gas powered vaccuum cleaner. It was a horrible idea then, and it's a horrible idea now.

I'm really not sure why I feel so strongly about this, but I do. In the age of the Taco Bell chiuahua and the Jack's Links sasquatch, these assholes that think we are all morons need to up the bar. We all have to watch this crap, whether we want to or not. Why subject us to commercials you know we hate? And the last time I watched a whole show advertising something it was four o'clock in the morning and it was a fucking infomercial. And it sucked.

I'd be happy if Peyton Manning was in every commercial, but since he can't be, at least try harder. We're not a bunch of retards trying to hump a doorknob out here. Treat us with a little respect. And for the love of god, don't turn your commercials into shows. We get enough product placement as it is.

We even get it at the movies. It's not enough that we pay seven dollars just to get in the damn place, then another thirty-seven for a coke and some popcorn. No we have to be subjected to commercials there, too. What's next? A giant ad for Pepsi on the moon? God, I hope not. If that happens, I may have to take a gun and apply that directly to the forehead. I'm just not sure whose...

Until next time,

Clay