Road Rage

Why the hell can't people drive anymore? This is getting ridiculous! Texarkana is not a big city; it's barely a big town...yet it takes me thirty minutes to get anywhere. It's not that I have much ground to cover, or that traffic is just that thick. It's just that no matter where I go, I come face to face with an army of no-driving ass clowns. I swear to God that these morons were just put here to piss me off. I don't even see them as people anymore, just stupid, mindless vehicles that aimlessly wander wherever the hell they feel like, then stop at weird intervals and then lethargically continue on their apparenly pre-programmed routes of pointless wandering. Kinda like lemmings, only with driver's licenses.
There's more than one kind, too. There's the old people who actually knew Henry Ford personally and are afraid to go over 7. That's right, 7. There's the cell phone-talkers. Now I talk on my cell while driving occasionally, but seriously, if you can't pay attention to the road, hang the fuck up. What is so fucking important that you feel it's ok to put other people's lives in jeopardy? Do they have a new flavor at Starbucks that you just have to tell everyone you know about it? Because that sounds like a life and death matter. Better make sure that you let them know while pulling out of the parking lot, cause they may run out.
Then there's the soccer moms in their giant gas guzzling suvs that take up 4 lanes and provide a virtual 360 degree blind spot, advertising the fact that their kid is an honor student at Who Gives a Fuck Junior High and trying to convert you to their beliefs with a cutsie bumper sticker. I mean come on, if you have ever been even close to being converted by a bumper sticker, you are a pathetic sheep and should seriously donate yourself to science asap.
Finally, there's the chillers. That's what I call them. You know, the assholes that don't even consider that someone else is on the road with them, so they stop at stop signs, in parking lots, even in the middle of the road just to shoot the shit with their friends, who are also stopped in the middle of the road, only facing the other direction.
Anyway, this is getting kind of long. I could go on...and probably will eventually, but for now I think this gets my point across. If anybody has any theories as to why the general population of Texarkana (maybe the world) has completely lost its ability to drive, please let me know. With video games, the fact that we have been in cars our whole lives, and all the latest advances in technology, we should be better at this, not worse.

Until next time,

Clay