An Open Letter to Bryony Ryan

Dear Bryony,

It's been two whole years now since the world had to let you go, yet in many ways it feels like yesterday. A lot of things have changed since you left. They made a new Pirates of the Caribbean movie (I know how much you loved those,) I have a new job and am in school, and Lexi has gotten so big it's unbelievable. But through all the changes, not a day goes by that you don't cross my mind. No matter how hard I try to move on with my life, the fact remains that you were a huge part of that life. You're in about 80% of my stories, and no matter where I go from here, I will always hold a special place for you in my heart. You introduced me to true love, and that is something special. And even though our marraige didn't work out, I still feel that our relationship was meant to be. For the last two years, I feel that I have been climbing, inch by inch, out of a deep hole, just hoping to eventually see light. I have finally emerged from that hole, now, but the memory of the darkness remains, and always will.

Today, on the anniversary of the day that you left, I realized that no matter how far I've come, there are still tears left. For so long I had almost forgotten how to feel, and I realized today as I listened to Rain King by the Counting Crows that I hadn't forgotten, not really. I have just been afraid to. You were my life, whether you realized it or not, and I have had to create a new one, one with an empty place where you should be. I am happy now, finally, and I feel like I am ready to move on. But regardless of where this journey takes me, in a way, you will always be there. Just knowing you made me a better person, and the things I learned from you will stay with me always.

Thank you, Bryony, for being a part of my life. Despite the issues we had, despite the angry words that we hurled at each other like so many sharpened stones, and despite losing you so early in the journey that we call life, I cherish every moment that I got to spend seeing your face, hearing your voice, and feeling your touch on my skin. I miss you, and I always will. We have now taken seperate paths, yet it feels like you are always there, standing behind me, supporting me, comforting me when I am sad, just like you used to do once upon a time. I don't know what waits after this life, but I hope that you have found peace, and I hope that you can know my feelings for you. I always loved you, and still do, and no matter what happens, that will remain so.

Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your life, as well. Like a flame that burns bright but is snuffed out all too soon, you illuminated all those that you came into contact with. I know that I'm not the only person thinking about you today. Your light and warmth will be fondly remembered by everyone you touched, and your legacy lives on through your beautiful daughter, who I love as if she was my own. You definitely left your mark on the world, and the world is a better place for it.

With love,

Clay

in loving memory of Bryony Aislinn Ryan, 6/13/80 - 10/17/05